You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
