I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
