look no pants
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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