I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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