I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
