Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
