The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
