lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
