No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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