I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
