have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
