i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize