she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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