he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
