sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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