I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
