i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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