You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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