Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
