evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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