I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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