my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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