I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
