I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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