Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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