I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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