I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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