I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
