Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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