I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
