I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize