My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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