I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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