All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
