So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
