dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
