we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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