And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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