there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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