I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
