I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
