maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
