what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
