I wish my penis had an off switch
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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