Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
