I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
