We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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