Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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