Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
