im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
