she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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