i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
