My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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