That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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