We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
