Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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