you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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