sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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