So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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