I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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