Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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