It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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