The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
