I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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