the condom got lost in my hair
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
