She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
