it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize