he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am one with the molecules
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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