I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
