Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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