I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
