Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
