Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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