i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
These tits shall not be calmed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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