the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
