I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
