where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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