I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
