Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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