i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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