everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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