She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
