Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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