a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
